Rather than actually go to the gym and do a workout, I’ve decided to write a very self indulgent blog about just what my gym bag holds – cause everyone is dying to know what’s in my smelly backpack, aren’t they?
So, if you’re at all arsed, here’s what I actually do make it out of bed and to the treadmill.
Yep, it’s a 99p special from Home & Bargain that looks just like the one’s you’d have at school. I’m not trying to be quriky; I was skint and desperately needed a replacement for my threadbare adidas tote. Although, I’m going to feel ridiculously smug when these are in Urban Outfitters selling for about twenty quid. I don’t need a big bag as my gym is literally 5 minutes away from my flat so i get showered at home and risk bumping into all my crushes and enemies on the walk home; sweating and glowing. Ming, aren’t I?
Look, life is all about balance. I look to my main girl Gwyneth Paltrow in times like this. She allows herself one ciggie per week and so will I. The woman is in her forties and looks about 27 so I will treat Goop newsletters like the Holy Bible. When I’m already lightheaded from taking it too far on the rower while hungover and sweating out the previous night’s ale intake, I like to add to my buzz by getting some niccy rush on my way home.
(Dead by 30 I suspect)
The Water Bottle
I’ve lost count of the amount of fancy water bottles I’ve lost over the years; leaving them in the holder on the cross trainer or accidentally binning them on the walk back thinking it’s a disposable one (I was very light headed after spinning). My current bottle is a freebie from when I was at a Channel 4 Talent Day last year and it does the job. It also makes it look like I perhaps work for a national TV company when in reality I haven’t even got a job that can afford me a decent TV and instead watch 4OD on my laptop.
The Gym Gear
I’ve been a loyal adidas girl since the Christmas I broke my mother’s heart by only asking for trackies and trainers and confirming that my tomboy phase was sticking around for a while. However, without my mum paying for my sportswear these days, I’ve become more of a broke loyal adidas girl these days. Over the years I’ve found myself relying on gym wear from Matalan and Primark rather than exclusively donning the three stripes.
Here’s the thing though, if you’re a bit self conscious* on the treadmill at the best of times, the last thing you need to add to that is feeling like an imposter amongst all the gym regulars and worrying that your cheap running leggings are revealing your Primark neon thong to everyone else working out.
*how I describe my crippling anxiety and paranoia about my appearance.
During the summer I splashed out on some Sunday Best leggings from Kate Hudson’s Fabletics website. Yep, that Kate Hudson – the actress and sometimes drinking pal of Tony Blair* has gone and created a line of activewear and you know what? Fair enough, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of her and not wanted to swap bodies with her – even when she was pregnant. She’s certainly a good advert for her business.
*still don’t understand this one but it’s 2016, anything goes it seems.
There’s a twist with Fabletics – it’s like Netflix for exercise junkies. You can become a VIP member, pay a monthly fee and reap the rewards and find yourself with a wardrobe stocked with quirky original gym clothes. If you find yourself in trainers more than heels, this is certainly a more suitable subscription to look into than say ASOS premier.
I like running. I like cardio in general to be honest. I’m weird, I know. I guess I don’t feel like I’m actually burning fat unless I’m out of breath and dripping with sweat. Yes, I’m well aware that lifting weights is sometimes much better for weight loss but I’m much happier on the treadmill than I am bench pressing. Actually, my ideal location is running along the Albert Dock late at night; terrifying everyone that I’m going to trip and fall in the Mersey (or jump if I’m particularly hungover).
I’ve mentioned my trainers, Ride 9 Running shoes from Saucony , in previous blogs and I’m still loving them, months on. I never thought that what you wore on your feet made that much of a difference to be honest; I wasn’t exactly jogging in a pair of Converse but I hadn’t upgraded my trainees for a good couple of years before I was gifted these. A few runs in these babies and I realised how naive i’d been. Towards the end of a run, my feet are almost as fresh as when i first tied the laces – fewer blisters, better support, comfort and, most important of all, they look cute too.
When I made the decision to adopt a ridiculously annoying diet (Dairy Free Pescatarian Except For Now & Again At Barburrito or When Really Really Drunk) I got a lot of lectures about taking vitamins and supplements blah blah blah.
I’ve obviously stocked my cabinet up with all the usual suspects but also, some Pure-Col Collagen capsules that are perfect for regular gym goers and those looking to improve their skin and keep signs of ageing at bay. Collagen tablets are very much the new thing to know about I’ve been told.
Bonus – they’re vegan friendly so perfect for my pretentious lifestyle.
Speaking of my diet, I of course carry some snacks on me at all times and huge tumblr points to me for getting on board with Chika’s vegan-friendly and GMO and gluten-free products. My personal favourite is the Sea Salt & Black Pepper Cashews.
They have a really cute back story and are currently running ‘Snack for Change’ which aims to increase child education across the world via people purchasing their products. Helping via eating delicious treats is my kind of charity work.
And finally, I don’t want all my valuables* getting robbed so I lock ’em all up with my boring old padlock – jazzed up with a keyring from my mate’s amazing online boutique.
See also: The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Exercise