Maybe Friends' golden couple shouldn't have ended up together; maybe Rachel should have stayed on the plane.

What’s that you say? Not enough Friends content on the internet? Worry not, I’m here to provide you with some content centred around a show that ended over 10 years ago. *

“Growing up is realising that Rachel SHOULDN’T have got off the plane” (Via Tumblr)

That’s right, i’m going dark – I’m attacking TV’s golden couple. Sure, Friends couldn’t have ended any other way, but with the luxury of time and new found adult logic (aka cynicism), maybe Rachel shouldn’t have started rumours about the left phalange, and perhaps she should have kept her bum in her seat, en route to her dream job.

Here’s why:

1. Ross was a shitty, shitty boyfriend

The fact that Ross was a nerdy teenager who lusted after the popular cheerleader counts for nothing; when it actually mattered, when he got the girl he’d chased after for years, Ross made some pretty douchebag moves. Let’s get the biggie out of the way first; Were they on a break or not? Guess what? It doesn’t matter. Ross did a crappy thing and he didn’t even have it him in to let Rachel ‘win’ one round, while utterly humiliated, and just let it go and accept they were on a break – he loved her, but not enough to admit he cheated.

We? No Ross, YOU'RE done being a jerk. Y O U R apostrophe E.
We? No Ross, YOU’RE done being a jerk. Y O U  apostrophe R E.

He made a vile list of her worst attributes (because apparently, waiting tables isn’t a worthy enough career if you want to be loved) and what got him off the hook? A decade old home video of him being a creepy older brother, pining over his little sister’s best mate. He’s her lobster my arse.

When Rachel is on the right track towards her dream career, something more suitable for snobby Ross, he acts like a grade A jerk; he is irrationally jealous of her work friend, Mark, he’s anything but supportive, he can’t seem to understand that her entry level position may require her to work late (and let’s not forget Rachel was more than happy to hang around the museum on their first date), and who can forget ,“A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do. I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka?” Well Geller, the truly awful Confessions of a Shopaholic grossed a hell of a lot at the theatres, and I’m pretty sure Sex and the City 3 would bring in a lot more than the latest lacklustre reboot of the dinosaur franchise. Dick.

God knows how we all fell for Ross and his ‘Nice Guy’ schtick – he’s the Worst Boyfriend in the World. And not just to Rachel; a minute of silence for Mona, please. Poor Mona from the restaurant – just when she was probably getting over the man who singe handily keeps Bryclcream in business, he breaks into her house to retrieve his shirt. Christ, he was even irrationally jealous of his STUDENT lover and followed her on holiday. That little fling was more inappropriate than when Monica invited her ex’s son round for Thanksgiving!

If Ross was on Twitter, he would certainly be the bloke you have to block because he slides into your DM’s one too many times. Creep.

2. Too many chances have been and gone 

They say that when two people fall in love, all you need is timing – but timing’s a bitch. Fair enough, Rachel and Ross suffer their share of bad luck, but when it comes to putting it all on the line, who really took the risks? Spoiler alert: It’s not the passive agreesive nerd who preferred making people feel sorry for him, rather than actually tell his crush how he feels.

But are you a good person Ross?
But are you a good person Ross?

The second Central Perk’s finest learns about Ross and his decade long crush, she wastes no time and makes her way to the airport only to be greeted with Julie – Julie! It took him some deliberation and *that* list to help him choose Rachel. Lucky girl.

She put her heart on her fashionable sleeve when she flew over to London and, in the aftermath of it all, he still chose Emily and still never wanted to rekindle things after the divorce. An ill fated Vegas wedding was enough to have him deceive his ‘wife’ over a divorce, but not quite enough for him to think of giving the relationship another go. Hell, the man couldn’t even be arsed proposing when she gave birth to his child. Let’s face it; the only time Ross ever wanted Rach was when he couldn’t have her. Turns out “Doctor” Geller is like every other gobshite that’s broke our heart.

3. He’s just a bit of a dick 

Ross is a bit of a Shy Tory. At the the very least, he’s the old school definition of a Champagne Socialist. He’s elitist, snobby, and thinks his opinion and feelings matter more than anyone else. Who cares if Joey didn’t read LOTR in high school? He didn’t once get stuck in his own leather pants so who’s the real idiot? Watching the ten seasons of Friends, you begin to wonder how anyone but Monica could cope with being Ross’ friend.

He makes that principled stand about donating in the money for a leaving party (Seriously Ross, you once bought a sports car on a whim – just be the passive agreesive person you are; throw the 100 quid in & moan), he isn’t even a ‘Weekend Dad’ to Ben (Seriously, does that kid even get a mention towards the end, unless it’s to help him get a date or win an argument?), he gets with Charlie while unaware of the Joey & Rachel situation (that really was a blessing to him), his self centred reaction to Rachel’s pregnancy, and lest we forget; he slept with Janice. Okay, okay, it is Janice but it is also his supposedly best friend’s ex girlfriend. Every single time Ross acted like a grade A knob head, he manages to make the situation about him and gain sympathy.

If only the red jumper had been Tag’s, eh?

Ross Jerky
Good God, no one answer this honestly – imagine the whining!


See also: “So How Many Cameras Are Actually On You?” Ten Mins on TV