5 On Screen classic love affairs that wouldn't have lasted the distance in the real world once the cameras stopped rolling.

Going through a break up right now? Being a horrible cliche watching a load of Rom-Coms and wondering when you’re going to meet your Harry/Romeo/Any character Hugh Grant has ever played? Getting your Elle Woods on?

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While I can’t personally come round to each one of you suffering and turn off whatever awful Katherine Heigl film you’ve got on, I can comfort you with the fact that many of the great cinematic pairings you’re romanticising wouldn’t last 5 minutes after the cameras stopped rolling.

Here are the Top 5 most overrated on screen love affairs:

1. Jack & Rose (Titanic)

Jack DawsonIn at number one is the most over hyped holiday romance of all time. Long before Pro Green and Millie were shattering class boundaries and proving backgrounds mean nothing when it comes to matters of the heart, Jack and Rose were giving everyone the feels with their whole “You jump, I jump” spiel. While Jack Dawson may have given many twenty something woman their sexual awakening in James Cameron’s 1997 hit film, it robbed us of our logic. Let’s take a moment to think about what would have happened had they both survived; Call me a cynic, but i suspect Rose may have grown tired of Jack’s wanderlust, and shagging in cars may not have been so romantic when it became the only place they could do the deed given the fact they’d probably be homeless once they returned to dry land. Everything’s romantic and forever on a luxury cruise liner. I give this one three months.

2. Johnny & Baby (Dirty Dancing)

Nobody puts baby in a corner…..and no one cares that she’s dating a 56 year old man* at the tender Babyage of 16. Again, a holiday romance, this one wouldn’t have lasted down to one simple fact; Johnny would have eventually tired of the whispers of ‘nonce’ and realised it’s probably inappropriate he’s groomed a teenager. Time of his life, maybe, but Baby had many more years ahead of her. Six months long distance tops.

 

*rough guess

3. Jamie & Aurelia (Love Actually)

Not only do I not understand the attraction of Colin Firth (your friend’s polite dad ‘hot’, at the very most), I can’t comprehend that fact some people believe this little flirtation had any legs. Not only was he on the rebound from his brother shagging his wife (sly), but they couldn’t even speak the same language, really! A year of good sex and learning languages then they’d realise they had bugger all in common.

4. Romeo & Juilet 

Another entry for Leo; maybe his characters aren’t the settling down types – life imitating art? Romeo & Juliet is a lovely story, great film, even better soundtrack, and the costume team certainly deserved an Oscar (So do you, Leo if you’re reading – hang in there!) But lets face it, it’s all a bit dramatic. If Juilet couldn’t manage to get a message to Romeo giving him a heads up about the whole ‘faking her own death thing’ then I don’t have much for hope for if they’d have had a future. A couple of years before they both get fed up with their poor communication and turning up at different places for dates.

Saucy
Saucy

5. Edward & Bella (Twilight) 

There’s a lot wrong with Twilight; mainly that it inspired the 50 Shades of Grey author to ‘write’, but it gives good love story, doesn’t it? However, are we really all believing that Bella, an 18 year old girl, and Edward, a Vampire thats been alive hundred of years, would make it last for eternity. I’m not doubting they wouldn’t be blissfully happy for a couple of centuries, but i’m pretty sure that after their 300th anniversary Bella would have itchy feet, a longing to get that ‘College experience’ (aka sex with multiple partners), and be suggesting an open relationship.

Heroin ain't sexy - haven't they seen Trainspotting?
Heroin ain’t sexy – haven’t they seen Trainspotting?