Originally published for OPEN Magazine
Who said Christmas loses its magic once you’re a grown up? Sure, the festive period for adults can be painful; the credit card abuse, the ever expanding waistline and, of course, relatives quizzing you about your relationship status over dry turkey butties. However, there are plenty of gift sets on the market that give a bit more satisfaction than what Boots have to offer. Swerve exchanging socks and Soap & Glory sets and stock your drawers up with some of the best sex toys out there right now.
RAMPANT RABBIT THE METAL ONE: £50 – ANN SUMMERS
The Metal One is smaller than other Rabbit offerings, but it certainly supports the age-old claim that size doesn’t matter – it packs a punch! With 3 different speeds, 7 pulses and a powerful aluminium shaft (that can provide a hot or cold sensation – your choice); this stylish vibrator guarantees a festive buzz with a happy ending.
ROCKS OFF AMMUNITION RO-80MM 7 SPEED BULLET VIBRATOR: £9.95 – SIMPLY PLEASURE
The standard bullet is around the same size, and price, as a MAC lipstick and to be honest, a must better use of a tenner. Let’s face it; everyone needs a leopard print vibrator – the perfect stocking filler.
ROSE GOLD MINI VIBRATOR: £10 – ANN SUMMERS
This Rose Gold Mini Vibrator is a slightly bigger and better version of the bullet and makes for a much better Secret Santa gift than chocolates. Rose Gold Vibrators > Boxes of Roses.
LELO PINO RECHARGEABLE VIBRATING SILICONE COCK RING GIFT SET: £98.95 – SIMPLY PLEASURE
Have you ever bought a cock ring and thought: “Gee, this is great but I sure wish some cuff links came with this purchase?” Well, your prayers have been answered with this unique gift set.
BOOTY BUNDLE: £28 – ANN SUMMERS
It’s said that it’s better to give than receive, so give the gift of anal this Christmas. (Seriously, it’s handy to hold off on the bum fun until the 25th if you’re on a budget.) Included in the bundle is a 4” butt plug, 6” Thai Love Beads, a vibrating butt plug and, err, a mini douche.
WE-VIBE 4 PLUS WITH APP CONTROL: £127.99 – NICE’N’NAUGHTY
We’re the generation that has apps to accompany their sex toys – that’s what we’ll be remembered for in years to come. “With the We-Vibe app couples can connect in new, exciting ways, whether they’re in the same room or on a different continent. She can wear We-Vibe 4 Plus anywhere and her partner can tease and please her from the palm of their hand.” Perfect if you’re in a long distance relationship over the festive period.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY ULTIMATE CONTROL HANDCUFF RESTRAINT SET: £24.99 – SIMPLY PLEASURE
If we ignore the fact that they’re official products of the God awful Fifty Shades of Grey franchise; this Ultimate Control handcuff set is actually a pretty handy addition to your bondage boudoir.
HIS AND HERS CRACKERS: £25 – ANN SUMMERS
Novelty presents can be a bit naff but these His & Hers Crackers are filled with a few decent treats (cock rings, bullets, body candy, silk tie & info/tips cards rather than naff jokes) to add to your naughty drawer on Christmas morning.
PLAY TOGETHER GIFT SET: £45 – ANN SUMMERS
Because selection boxes that only contain Curly Wurlys, Freddos, and Chomps are for kids.
See also: The Alternative Annual Goop Gift Guide